Wasting Time
by dark-rose189
Summary: Sirius is in love with Remus but he doesn't think that he'll ever stand a chance with him, James has a new plan to win Lily's heart and Peter is starting to wonder if his friends really are as great as he always thought they were. Sirius/Remus, James/Lily
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The character, places, etc. belong to J. K. Rowling, the song "Your bore" belongs to Seether.

A/N: The title "Wasting Time" used to be just a working title, because I couldn't think up something better, but because I still can't think of something better, it's staying like that :)

This story is loosely based on a line of Seether's "Your bore", but apart from that it doesn't have to do anything with the song.

English also isn't my first language, so if you find any mistakes or want to beta this FF, just send me a note :) There's also a German version of this story on Fanfiktion .de which isn't finished yet, so once I finished translating what is already written, the updates could take a while, because I first have to write the chapters in German, before I translate them.

Update: Made the paragraphs shorter to make the story easier to read. Thanks to _Wishflower_ and _Moonfire-from-Tameranian-moons _for telling me that they were too long ^_^'

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Chapter **1:**

_I'm sick of wasting time on what can never be_

_I can not control you into wanting me_

(Seether: "Your bore")

**Sirius POV**

„Shit!", I cursed quietly and I had to restrain myself from punching my pillow out of frustration. I couldn't sleep once again, and that was the brown-haired werewolf's fault, who was sleeping peacefully in the bed next to mine. He was the reason I lay awake night after night and brooded over how I could get him to fall in love with me. Which was complete rubbish, of course, Remus would never fall in love with me, he only saw me as a good friend, and besides, he liked women. At least I thought so. If I really thought about it, he had never shown special interest in anyone. On the other hand, if he did like someone he probably wouldn't tell us, he was pretty good at hiding things and besides, I had never heard him talk about love stuff.

He somehow even managed to completely ignore James' endless ravings about Lily. Which I envied quite a bit, I sadly never managed to do that. If I have to listen about how beautiful Lily's hair is glowing in the sunlight once more, I'm going mad! I really couldn't understand, what he saw in her. OK, she was pretty, but she was also a boring swot, who had to give us a big lecture for every little harmless prank. And she also was pretty clear about the fact, that she couldn't stand James one bit, so I just couldn't understand, why he didn't give up on her, he would never stand a chance with her anyway.

But I guess I should better shut up about that matter, since I fell in love with one of my best friends, with whom I would never stand the slightest chance either. Maybe it would be better if I just gave it up? I mean, over the last few months, I had tried everything to get Remus' attention, but without success. Sure, it wasn't like he was ignoring me or something, but he gave me the same attention he gave James and Peter and didn't even seem to notice my advances. And it really wasn't like I just dropped some small hints.

I was practically glued to him, kept constantly touching him "on accident", had switched places with Peter, so I could sit next to him during class and mealtime and even went as far as flirting with him a bit, but the only thing that had led to was an embarrassing talk with James, who had of course noticed it. At least James had enough decency to not tease me about it, he knew after all, how it felt like to chase after someone you never stood a chance with.

I sighed and turned around in my bed for the millionth time. Maybe giving up wasn't such a bad idea after all… It was pointless to keep trying in vain to win Remus' heart and then ended up destroying our friendship because of it. And it would probably do me some good to keep my distance from him, as far as it was possible, of course. Lately I could not only not sleep, but I also couldn't concentrate on anything and I even lacked the motivation to think up new pranks with James.

Maybe I should get myself a girlfriend? Maybe then the feelings I had for Remus would go away and I would be able to see him as just a friend again. Well, it was worth a try and it was still better than constantly making myself false hopes over Remus.

With these thoughts I finally fell asleep.

The next morning I was awakened by loud cursing and crashing. I blinked tiredly and then slowly and reluctantly opened my eyes to see James, who was just, obviously in search of something, taking the dormitory apart.

I groaned and buried my head underneath the pillow, hoping to drown out the sounds. But apparently James had either heard me or seen my movement, because a few seconds later my pillow was yanked away and James flopped down on my bed.

"Have you seen my shirt, Padfoot?" Shirt? What shirt? That's the reason he woke me up that early on a Sunday morning?

"What shirt?", I mumbled sleepily.

"The shirt I bought in Hogsmeade last week!" Ah, why didn't I guess that right away. James has sooo few clothes, after all.

"Nah, I haven't seen it. Why don't you simply put on another one?"

"Another one?" Uh oh, wrong answer. James looked at me, as if I had suggested that he should propose to McGonagal. "Did you forget, that I bought this shirt just for wearing it today on Lily's birthday?" Didn't forget it, just suppressed the memory.

We had spent a total of two hours in that shop before James had finally decided what he should buy to look good on Lily's birthday. I had no idea what the point of this was, since he wasn't invited to her birthday party (if she even held one) and she also wouldn't pay him more attention than she did on any other day, so she wouldn't even notice his clothes. But James somehow didn't get that logic. Well, if he wanted to dress up today, he should do it, it was his business after all.

"Hey, will you help me look for it now, or not?", asked James.

"No. Did you already try 'Accio'?"

James eyes went wide, then he slapped his hand to his forehead. "Right! Why didn't I think of this?"

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes James really was a lost cause. Especially in all matters that somehow involved Lily.

**James POV**

"Perfect!", I muttered, after I checked my image in the mirror for the last time. Today it would finally work, I was sure of it. I mean, it just _had_ to work. My newest plan to capture Lily's heart was absolutely foolproof. I had prepared a perfect birthday surprise for her, and if everything went according to plan, she surely wouldn't be able to resist me anymore.

"Jaaames! Are you finally done with admiring yourself in the mirror? There are other people who want to use the bathroom, too!", Sirius voice suddenly sounded though the closed bathroom door.

"Yeah, yeah, just a moment. You know that everything has to be perfect today, including my appearance."

Sirius groaned. "Not again! Change of topic, please! _Alohomora_!"

"Hey!", I protested, as the door swung open and Sirius entered the bathroom. "Has no one ever taught you not to burst into the bathroom, when the door's locked?"

"As if you'd ever stuck to that ru…WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR HAIR?"

I carefully ran my hand over my hair, cautious not to mess up my new hairstyle. "Why? It might be a bit unusual, but it doesn't look that bad." But to make sure I turned around to take another look into the mirror.

Since Lily always complained about my messy hair, I had decided to go without my usual Quidditch-hairstyle today, and had tamed my hair with lots of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion. OK, looking closely it really looked a bit strange, but as long as Lily liked it, I didn't care. And it was only for today anyway, to show Lily that I was willing to make some sacrifices for her and to temporarily part with my beloved hairstyle.

Sirius stood behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't take it personal Prongs, but if you really plan to face Lily with that hairstyle, you will scare her off even more."

I sceptically looked over at his mirror image. "You really think so?"

"Yep, a little bit more gel and you could compete against Snivellus."

"WHAT?", I immediately wrenched open the tap and put my head underneath the jet, to wash the gel out of my hair.

When I came out from underneath the jet of water, with my hair dripping wet, I noticed that Sirius was laughing his ass off next to me. I turned towards him and glared at him threateningly. "If you only said that to get me to wash the gel out…"

Sirius shook his head, still grinning. "I just fulfilled my duty as your best friend and saved you from making a big fool out of yourself. But your reaction was still pretty funny."

I grabbed a towel and started to rub my hair dry, before it could soak my shirt. While doing so I threw Sirius a dirty look. "Do you have any idea how long it took me, to get my hair to lie flat? You know what Lily always says about my hair… And now it was all in vain." I demonstratively pulled the towel from my head to reveal my hair, which was sticking up in all directions once again.

Sirius sighed and grabbed my brush and the tube of gel. "Leave that up to the pro."

**Remus POV**

I sat in the Great Hall, eating breakfast with Peter, and waited for James and Sirius to finally arrive. Well, to be honest I hoped that James would, contrary to expectation, oversleep and only arrive in the Great Hall after Lily had already left.

James had spent the last few weeks thinking up some stupid plan, how to finally capture Lily's heart, and although he'd told no one of us what he had thought up this time, I was absolutely sure that it would end in disaster once again. Especially the fact, that he wouldn't let anyone, not even Sirius, in on his plans, worried me.

Normally he always told us when he had a new idea for a prank or a conquer-Lily's-heart-plan, no matter how unfinished or stupid the plan was, and then he expected us to either make suggestions for improvement or congratulate him on his "great idea". Or rather he expected the former from Sirius and the latter form Peter. James knew, that I always got a bad conscience when I neglected my prefect duties and participated in a prank, so he didn't mind, if I stayed out of the planning.

But that never kept him from let me, just like Sirius and Peter, in on everything, but this time he had strictly refused to share the tiniest detail, even though we had all tried to get at least a bit of information out of him. Especially Sirius had nearly driven him mad, with his constant asking about it. I would have liked to know it, mainly because I was worried that he would make a complete idiot of himself in front of Lily. OK, that wouldn't have been the first time, but this time he really had high hopes in his plan, much higher than usual and that's why I hoped that he didn't have to experience another setback.

"If Prongs and Padfoot don't show up soon, they're gonna miss breakfast!", mumbled Peter between two bites and ripped me out of my thoughts with that.

"Right.", I answered and resisted the urge to tell him, that you shouldn't speak with a full mouth. "And to be honest, I'm actually hoping that they'll miss it."

Peter looked at me with a confused look on his face. "Why's that?"

"Well, do you really want to know, what James thought up for Lily this time?"

"Of course!" Peter nodded enthusiastically. "Don't you?"

I sighed. I could have kept that question to myself. Of course Peter wanted to see what James had thought up. He was always extremely eager to see James in action, no matter what it was about. "I just feel sorry to see James constantly being turned down by Lily."

OK, a big part of this was James' own fault, if he did things less tactless he probably might stand higher chances, but he really was serious about Lily, and being turned down over and over again hurt him more than he would show.

"You're right, Lily is really mean to James." Peter threw a derogatory look over to Lily, who was just taking a parcel from a big brown owl, probably from her parents. "I really don't understand, why he puts up with this or why he simply doesn't choose another girl. I mean someone like James really deserves better than her."

I frowned. I had never heard Peter make such snide remarks about Lily. It could well be that he didn't dare to when James was around, but I always thought that he liked her well enough.

But before I could rack my brain about it some more, the door of the Great Hall opened and James and Sirius came in and made their way over to our table. My jaw almost dropped, when I saw James. He almost looked… respectable. His usually messy hair was tamed and laid flat on his head, he was wearing a white shirt, that for a change, really was white and didn't look like he just got it out of the last corner of his trunk and he was wearing fitting black pants and shoes. He almost looked as if he...

"James, please tell me you don't plan to propose to Lily!", I hissed, as soon as he had reached the table and sat down.

James shook his head. "Don't worry, Moony, I know that it would be a bit early for that. But if everything goes according to plan today, it could be time for it soon…" A dreamy look appeared on James' face and he began to stare off into space.

I sighed. I put some stupid thoughts in his head again. I should have better kept my mouth shut.

"Now, now, don't be so hasty, first concentrate on getting her on a date!" Sirius slapped him on the back and ripped him out of his daydreams.

"You're completely right, Mr Padfoot! Let the operation Make-Lily-fall-in-love-with-me begin!" With those words James jumped up and climbed on the table.

My eyes got wide with shock. On the one hand, I had been afraid that he would do something like this, but on the other hand I had still hoped that he didn't plan to embarrass himself in front of the whole school. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Peter abandoning his food at once and focusing his complete attention on James. Sometimes I had the feeling, that James could be dancing around on the High Table in straps and Peter would still be thrilled.

James cleared his throat, mumbled _"Sonorus!"_ and then called into the hall: "Everyone listen! Hey, shut up for a moment! Thank you!"

In a matter of seconds he had the undivided attention of almost the entire school, most of them apparently thought that James was up for another prank. James looked around for a moment to make sure that really everyone was listening, then he continued talking: "Like many of you probably know, today is Lily Evan's birthday and that's why I think that now a little birthday serenade might be in order!" With these words he started to loudly sing "Happy Birthday".

Sirius started to chime in at once and a few moments later almost everyone, with the exception of the Slytherins, was singing along. Relieved I started to sing along too, after a short hesitation. By the looks of it, I had been worrying about James for no reason, a simple "Happy Birthday" really wasn't that bad.

James finished singing and the hall started to break into thunderous applause.

"Hey, look at Lily!", I suddenly heard Sirius' voice and I turned in Lily's direction at once. Lily apparently took great efforts to look disinterested and annoyed, but it was still easy to see that she could hardly suppress a smile and her cheeks were slightly reddened.

I grinned and turned back to Sirius. "Looks like James finally scored a hit!"

Sirius nodded and grinned back and for a moment our eyes met. But really only for a moment, for Sirius suddenly turned away abruptly and studied his empty plate before looking up at James again, who was still standing on the table and was now bowing a few times.

What had that been about now? But before I could continue thinking about Sirius' strange behaviour, James raised his voice again. "Thanks to everyone, who sang along! But that wasn't all, of course!"

Uh oh, I have a feeling that this won't end well.

"On every birthday there have to be presents and because a normal present would have boring, I have a special present for you, Lily Evans… me!"

Sirius stared unbelievingly at James and I buried my face in my hands. That was much worse than I had feared! I knew that James usually turned off his brain, when Lily was around, but to get such an idiotic idea… I really had expected something better from him.

"Thanks, but no!", Lily replied with a disgusted expression and a few people laughed.

Sirius hissed to James: "Hey mate, I'd say that was an utter dead loss. Now just drop it and come down there!"

But sadly James ignored him and calmly continued: "Not so hasty, Evans, I'm not finished yet. What I meant is, that from today on I will be doing everything you want for a month and I will fulfil everyone of your wishes." James indicated a bow in Lily's direction and Lily raised her eyebrows.

"Well, if that's the case, I want you to leave me alone. Oh, and while we're on it: Stop hexing other people and especially leave Snape alone!"

"If that's what you want, I'll gladly do it." James bowed once again and then finally climbed down from the table and sat down.

"A one month long rest from you, that's really a nice present, Potter!", Lily called after him and James pulled a face.

"_Quietus_. What one has to do for love.", James said resignedly, now in his normal volume again.

Sirius still looked at James a bit unbelievingly. "You'll never be able to pull that off! You don't really plan to leave Snape alone for a whole month, do you?"

"I don't think, that's such a bad idea." I responded. I never really liked the fact that James and Sirius never let a chance to hex Snape pass and I always felt bad that I never really did anything to stop them.

James sighed. "I know that it will be tough, but I promised Lily, so I will abide by it. Lily is supposed to see that I'm willing to make some sacrifices for her and change for her."

"If you think, that'll work…" Sirius definitely didn't sound thrilled. "Then I'm gonna hex Snape for you, too."

"Uhm, I guess if this is really supposed to work, we should all stop. We also shouldn't pull any pranks during that time and stuff…"

"What? This is our last year at Hogwarts! You were the one who said that this is our last chance to go down in Hogwarts' history and that we have to have a real blast this year!"

"Yeah, I know, but it's only for a month. And we could still pull some small pranks, as long as we don't hex anyone."

"Great. We could make colourful paper shreds rain from the ceiling. That'll surely be the prank of the year.", Sirius grumbled.

"Come on, Padfoot, that's my last chance to win her over! If I don't make it this year, I'll never see her again!" James sounded almost despaired now and I began to feel sorry for him. Maybe I should talk to Lily. We always got along rather well when we were both prefects and maybe I could convince her to stop showing her dislike of James that openly.

Sirius didn't seem very impressed by James' last words, though, because he still wouldn't let it go. "I can kinda understand that, but you also should face the truth that Lily will _never _fall in love with you, no matter what you're doing. Sometimes it's better to just give it up, instead of making yourself unhappy all the time." Did I just imagine that, or had Sirius shortly looked in my direction while saying that?

"But I won't give up! It's true that Lily can't really stand me, but I'm bloody serious about her and I want to show her, that I'm not the idiot she thinks I am. Contrary to other people I just can't throw in the towel like that, just because it's too much of an effort!" James seemed to be getting pissed off.

"That hasn't anything to do with being too much of an effort! I gave it up, because I don't want to destroy our friendship! ...Oh!" Sirius suddenly blushed and this time I didn't just imagine it, he definitely was looking at me. Then he suddenly stood up, murmured: "Uhm, just forget, what I said!" and practically ran from the Great Hall. Sirius definitely was acting strange today.

James got up to. "I better go after him, see you later." With this words he also left the hall and I turned to Peter to see what he was thinking about the whole situation, but he had indulged himself in his breakfast again and seemed to have heard only half or less of it.

I turned back to my plate, but I seemed to have somehow lost my appetite. So Sirius was in love with someone, too. And why didn't he want me to know about it? He obviously had talked about it with James, so why wouldn't he talk about it with me? Didn't he trust me enough?

I picked at the food with my fork while thinking about it. He said that he didn't want to destroy the friendship, but I never had been aware of him being friends with a girl. Or had he kept that a secret from me too? Had I only imagined that we had grown closer lately, if I obviously hardly knew anything about him? And was I the only one who didn't know anything about the whole thing?

"Peter? Did Sirius ever tell you that he fell in love with someone?"

Peter looked at me with a surprised look. "Huh? No, he didn't. What makes you think that? He never really was in love with anyone."

Good, Peter didn't know anything about it either, at least I wasn't the only one who wasn't informed then. Maybe Sirius was just uncomfortable talking about it, even though I couldn't really imagine that, he never had any inhibitions with talking about his newest conquests. But maybe he really was serious about it and that's why he didn't want to talk about it, because he didn't want to admit that he had finally fallen in love with one of them after all. That would at least explain why he hadn't said anything.

But why did I still have a weird feeling in my stomach? I should be happy that he finally found someone and support him, but for some reason I felt the exact opposite. James' ravings over Lily didn't bother me after all (unless he overdid it again), so why was it different this time?

"Hey Moony, are you still eating this?" I shook my head and wordlessly pushed my plate over to Peter, while I was racking my brain, what the hell bothered me about the thought of Sirius with a girlfriend.

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To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The characters, places, etc. belong to J. K. Rowling

A/N: A big thank you to _marauders o.o_ for commenting and to everyone who subscribed and favourited, I really appreciate it! :D

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Chapter 2:

**Sirius' POV**

I slammed the door of the Great Hall shut behind me and then indecisively came to a short halt in the Entrance Hall. Where should I best go now? Out into the cold or should I rather hide myself for a while in one of the secret passageways? As long as it's somewhere, where I won't run into Remus for a while.

Why did I have to be such an idiot and couldn't keep my mouth shut? But no, I just had to shout it out loud and clear that I was in love with someone who I was friends with, and that while Remus was sitting right opposite me. Damn it, just now when I had finally decided that our friendship was more important to me and that I didn't want to destroy it with my stupid crush!

"I better lock myself up somewhere, until he's forgotten the whole thing.", I murmured frustrated.

"Don't even think about it. We would have found you after a few minutes anyway, don't forget that I have the map.", I suddenly heard James' voice behind me.

I hadn't even realised that he had been following me. "Then I'll just take the map along with me.", I grumbled, without turning around.

"Forget it, it's safely stowed away in my pocket." James stepped up next to me and grinning patted the side pocket of his cloak. Then his face turned serious again. "Are you alright?", he asked with a concerned voice.

"What do you think?", I answered. "I practically came out in front of Remus. Damn, I'm such an idiot!" I suddenly got the strong urge to turn House-elf and bang my head against something.

James put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry, you haven't said who you're in love with. I bet Remus is just wondering right now, that the ladies' man Sirius Black is finally actually interested in a girl."

"You don't really believe that, do you? I said that I didn't want to destroy the friendship after all, and besides from you, Remus and Peter I don't have any other friends, and that I'm neither interested in you or Peter should be obvious, so will figure out pretty soon that it was him I was talking about and…"

"Whoa, whoa, put a sock in it, will you?" James stepped in front of me and hold up his hands defensively. "Firstly, stop rambling, it's giving me a headache and secondly there's no use beating yourself up over things that haven't even happened yet. None of us knows how Remus reacted, because you already took flight before he even had the slightest chance to react in any way. And thirdly, he'll get even more suspicious if you suddenly start avoiding him like the plaque."

Mhm, that did sound kinda logical. "So, what you're saying is, I should just act like nothing happened?"

"Exactly! Just wait if Remus really realised that it was him you were talking about. He might be pretty smart in school matters, but when it comes to relationships, he's a hopeless case."

I couldn't suppress a grin. "Just like you, you mean."

"Pfft. I could have every girl I wanted. But for me there's only Lily. And one day she'll start to see my charm, I'm sure of it!", James answered cockily, while running his hand through his hair and thus completely messing up his painstakingly tamed hair again. I rolled my eyes and bit back a comment.

Maybe James was right and I really should just wait and see. If necessary I could still get myself a girlfriend and tell Remus that she was the one I was talking about during breakfast. I had been planning to get myself a girlfriend anyway.

"But do you know what I don't get?", asked James, while we were slowly making our way towards the Gryffindor common room. "Why are you so completely terrified of Remus finding out what you're feeling for him?"

Well, guess why? Couldn't James figure that out on his own?

"I mean, do you really think that he'll just break off your friendship, when he finds out?", James continued.

"Nah, but he'll be avoiding me, even if it's just happening unconsciously. It's understandable and all, I mean what would you do, if you found out that one of your best friends suddenly wants more than just friendship, and if it's also a guy?"

James pulled a face, but before I could say "See?" or something like that, James' face turned thoughtful all of a sudden and he said: "Maybe he likes you too…"

I stared at James unbelievingly. "Bollocks, not Remus! He likes women. Or did he say something?"

"No, but I could ask him, if you like.", James offered.

I put up my hands defensively. "Don't! Or he'll figure out who I was talking about in no time!" But on the other hand I really would like to know… Damn, why did everything have to be so complicated?

James must have known what I was thinking about, for he soothingly put his hand on my shoulder and said: "It's best if you just wait for Moony's reaction on the whole thing, and then we'll see. Like I said, there's no use in worrying about things that haven't even happened yet."

I sighed, but then I nodded. "OK. Guess you're right. Let's just wait." But somehow I had the feeling, that this was easier said than done…

**Peter's POV**

After breakfast I went to look for James and Sirius on my own, because Remus had wanted to go to the library to finish some homework. I wasn't finished myself, but I lacked the motivation to learn on a Sunday. If necessary I could always copy James' or Sirius' homework, if I didn't manage to finish it on my own. (Remus sadly never let me copy his homework, even if he helped me with it a lot of times).

And besides, I wanted to ask James, if he was serious about not pulling any pranks for a month. Sure, he more or less promised Lily, and he never broke his promises, but Lily Evans really wasn't worth it, that James was ready to change himself completely for her. OK, it only was for a month, but this was about principles, after all.

I never understood how James could run after a girl for so long, who was treating him like scum. There were so many other girls in this school, who were better for him and who wouldn't even dream about treating him like that. I know, it's James' business and that's why I'm not interfering, but since I'm his friend, I'm worried about him, of course.

I was even thinking about looking for a fitting girlfriend for him, but I don't know much about that and when I was asking Sirius for help, he was telling me off and said, that I should keep my nose out of this and to let James make the decision for himself, who he wanted as a girlfriend. And all I wanted to do was to help…

"Hey, Pettigrew!", I suddenly heard a voice behind me.

I turned around and at once wished that I hadn't done it. Regulus, Sirius' brother, was standing behind me. He wasn't as bad as the rest of the Slytherins, but I still didn't trust him an inch, especially not while I was alone.

"Y-yes", I squeaked. Great, why was I never able to control my voice, when I was nervous?

Regulus pulled his face into a short grin, but then caught himself again and said, with a pronounced friendly face: "Don't worry, Pettigrew, I wasn't planning to attack you. I just wanted to ask you, if you could deliver a message to my brother from our mother."

So it was just a message? I breathed a sigh of relief, but then tensed again, when I remembered the way Sirius had reacted the last time he had got a message from his mother.

"Uhm, can't you just tell him yourself?", I asked and tried to make my voice sound irritated, even though I wasn't sure if I managed.

Regulus sighed. "I would love to deliver the message to him myself, but sadly he refuses to talk to me. So would you _please_ be kind enough to deliver the message?"

I nervously shifted from one foot to the other. "I don't know. The last time he got a letter from his mother he practically went berserk…"

Regulus grinned again, and this time he didn't even try to hide it. "Don't tell me you're scared of your own friends!", he mocked and I could feel myself blushing.

"I'm not! B-but I don't want to upset Sirius for no reason, that's all!" But to be honest, I sometimes was scared of Sirius when he was mad. I had to witness often enough what he did to the Slytherins, when they offended him and called him a blood traitor, and that's why I really didn't want to risk to make Sirius get mad at me. And if I brought him a message of his mother, it really could happen that he got mad at me. Or maybe he wouldn't even let me finish talking and then Regulus would start to think that I hadn't delivered his message, or…

"Well, looks like you really are scared of your friends after all. Or is it just my brother? I can kind of understand that, if you think about in which state he left our beautiful house when he ran away last summer… One could have thought that a horde of angry trolls had been rampaging in there! But seriously, are you sure that you have the right friends, if can't even talk to them about some, uh, delicate matters, without you having to be scared that they might get mad at you?"

"Of course I have the right friends! A-and I don't even want to know how it is with you Slytherins! I bet it's even worse there!", I called and would have liked to bite off my tongue almost immediately after closing my mouth. What the hell was I doing? Insulting a Slytherin, and also while being alone? Where had I taken the courage to say something like that anyway? I started to look for an escape route in my mind. Wasn't there a secret passageway on the end of the corridor? What was the password for it again?

Regulus made a move in my direction and I jumped and waited to be hit by a curse any moment now, but nothing happened. Bewildered I looked at Regulus again and saw, that he had merely taken a few steps in my direction, but he neither had his wand in his hand nor did he look angry in any way. On the contrary, he was even smiling!

"That just shows, how less you Gryffindors know about us Slytherins. Friendship is very important to us. Even the Sorting Hat always says that you will find true friends in Slytherin. But back on topic, please tell Sirius that mother is willing to give him one last chance and to accept him back into the family, if he officially apologises, stops associating himself with Potter and Lupin and starts to seek the company of the right people."

Regulus took a step back and turned to go. But then he turned back once more and said: "Oh, and while we're on the topic of the right people: If you're ever looking for friends you don't have to be… afraid of, you know where to find me." With these words he turned around and had shortly after disappeared behind a corner.

I stood there bewildered for a moment and stared at the now empty corridor. What had that been about? Had Regulus seriously offered me his friendship right now?

**James' POV**

As soon as we had entered the common room, Sirius scarpered over to an armchair by the fireplace and stared gloomily into the fire. I sighed and rolled my eyes before I went over to him and plopped down into an armchair next to him. If Sirius didn't start to handle things himself soon, I would simply pair them up myself.

The thought of my two best friends as a couple was still kinda… strange, but as long as it made them happy, I wouldn't stand in their way. And as long as they didn't start making out in my presence, everything was alright. Sure, I still didn't know if Remus was interested in Sirius at all, but I was sure that this should be easy to find out.

Speaking of Remus, where was he anyway? He and Peter should already be back from breakfast. I leaned forward to be able to see the entrance of the common room and a few seconds later the portrait indeed swung open. "Nice timing", I thought, but then I heard giggling which definitely was female and disappointed I let myself fall back into the armchair again.

A group of sixth-years came in and talked about something that had to be incredibly funny, for they were breaking out in giggles every few seconds. Irritated I rolled my eyes. Why would girls never laugh in a normal way, but always had to giggle? Luckily Lily wasn't like that. Lily was a lot more grown up and cooler and…

"Heeeey Jaaames!", it suddenly sounded right next to my ear and I jumped.

"Bloody hell, don't yell like that, I'm not deaf!", I grumbled and rubbed my ear, what caused the girl to burst into giggles again.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I just wanted to tell you, that that was an aaaawesome performance earlier. That was sooo romantic! I just wish I had a boyfriend who was that determined to capture my heart! If Lily is still turning you down after that, she's a real idiot!"

"Lily's not an idiot!", I defended her at once. "She just isn't as easy to get as some other girls."

"Hey!", the girl –what was her name again? – called at once and put her hands on her hips. "Was that supposed to be an insinuation towards me? I may have had my share of boyfriends, but that doesn't mean that I'm easy to get!"

"Exactly!", on of her friends joined in. "She's complimenting you and you don't have anything better to do than to insult her!"

"Hey, hey, calm down!", I called and raised my hands in defence. "I wasn't talking about you! If you think that that applies to you, it's not my fault!"

"I… I don't think, that it applies to me at all!" With this words the girl turned around and stormed off towards the stairs of the girl's dormitories, followed by her friends.

I couldn't suppress a laugh. What had that been about? Still grinning I turned back to Sirius, who had been unusually quiet the whole time.

Sirius had stopped staring into the fire, but was now looking thoughtful towards the stairs, where the girls had just disappeared. I followed his gaze and then looked back at him again. He had started to chew on his lower lip now and still had his eyes fixed on the stairs. What was up with him now? Usually he only looked like this when he had a bad conscience.

"Padfoot?", I asked and when I didn't get a response, I waved my hand in front of his eyes.

Sirius blinked and slowly turned his head in my direction. "What do you think about the girl right now?", he asked, still with the same thoughtful expression.

"Huh? Completely brainless and really annoying. But why…" But then it started to dawn on me what Sirius was getting at. "Oh, hell no! Forget it! You're not seriously trying to tell me, that you want to get yourself a girlfriend now, just so that you forget about Remus? You know as well as I do that it won't work!"

"Could you yell a bit louder?", Sirius grumbled. "But who knows, maybe it's working. It doesn't have to be that girl, if she's getting on your nerves to much. But I will try it at least!"

I stared at Sirius unbelievingly. "You're kidding, right?"

Sirius suddenly jumped out of the armchair and glared at me. "Just stay out of this, alright? It's my life and therefore my business alone. Why should I take dating advice from someone, who is running after a girl for years that he'll never ever get? First look after your own non-existent relationship before sticking your nose into those of other people!" With these words he turned around and ran in the direction of the dormitory.

"Fine!" I yelled angrily after him. "That was the last time I was trying to help you then!"

What the hell was his problem? Fair enough, the whole thing with Remus badgered him quite a bit. But did he have to pick at my "relationship" with Lily just because of that?

"Prongs!" The portrait swung open and Peter, who was apparently quite out of breath, stumbled into the common room. "Prongs!", he repeated. "Did you see Sirius?"

"He's in the dormitory, but I wouldn't go in there now, if I were you.", I answered an scrutinised him worriedly. He looked like he had run the whole way to the common room. And since Peter avoided any kind of sport like the plaque, that definitely wasn't a good sign.

Peter gasped for breath a few times and then panted: "I don't care. I have to tell him now, before I lose the courage again!" With these words he darted off again, towards the dormitory.

I looked after him speechless. Uhm, _what_? Did everyone turn crazy now?

* * *

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

**Remus POV**

So, how was it again? After adding the Eels' Eyes to the potion you had to stir it clockwise… or was it counter-clockwise? And how many times did you have to stir again? I made an annoyed sound and reached for my potions book for the eleventh time in a row, to look up the preparation.

But just after reading the first few lines of the recipe I realised that I wouldn't be able to remember it once again. What was the matter with me today? I usually never was that unconcentrated when learning. At least not when it was still two weeks until the next full moon.

With a sigh I tried once again to concentrate on my homework, but after staring at the page for about five minutes without being able to memorise one word of it, I gave up and unnerved slammed the book shut. Maybe I should just give up for today or at least try it again later. Anyhow, at the moment I was just wasting my time.

I packed my things together and then decided, to make my way back to the common room.

"You're leaving already?", I heard a voice behind me, just when I had almost reached the door of the library. I turned around and saw Lily sitting at one of the tables.

"Yes, I just can't seem to concentrate today.", I answered and gave her a friendly smile. "But why are you sitting in the library on your birthday and learn? Uhm, happy birthday, by the way."

Lily smiled back. "Thanks. I'm not really learning, I just needed a quiet place, where I could think for a while. And you can't actually do that in our common room, after all." Lily pulled a face and I could guess what, or rather who she meant.

"I'm sorry about James. If I had known what he was up to beforehand, I would have tried to stop him."

Lily gave a short, ironic laugh. "Oh, no need to apologise. You probably wouldn't have been able to stop him anyway. And if he, contrary to all expectations, does manage to stick to his offer and pulls himself together for a month, it might turn out well in the end."

"Don't you want to give him a chance sometime?", I asked, even though I was sure, that her answer would be same as it had been all the other times I had asked her. "James really is a great guy, if you just get to know him better."

I didn't know, why I was still trying to convince her to give James a chance, because she said no every time, but it somehow had almost become routine, since I had started to spend a bit more time with her in fifth year, when we had both been made a prefect and had started to realise that we got along pretty well. Since then I was trying, every time our talk steered in the direction of James, to convince her that James had his good sides too, but up until now it had been in vain. And this time the turnout seemed to be the same again, since Lily shook her head.

"You know my answer, Remus. I'm sure that he has one or two good sides, or you surely wouldn't be friends with him, but you know that I just can't tolerate that he keeps hexing other people."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry that I keep bothering you with this."

Lily waved it aside. "It's alright. And I think it's great, that you stand up for your friends like that! Good friends like you are rare." Lily smiled at me and I could feel myself blushing.

"Thanks.", I mumbled and awkwardly averted my gaze. I just felt really uneasy when someone complimented me. "Uhm, I better leave you to yourself again, so that you can continue thinking about things. See you." With these words I turned around and walked out of the library at a quick pace, before she could stop me. I could hear her calling after me that I hadn't disturbed her, but I pretended that I hadn't heard her.

**Lily's POV**

"What's up with Remus now?", I asked myself, while staring at the closed library door Remus had just disappeared, or rather almost fled through a few seconds ago. Had I said something to chase him off? It couldn't have been just because of my comment about him being a good friend, could it?

If it was anyone else, I might have thought, that he was interested in me, because of that reaction, but I knew, that this wasn't the case. I even had the feeling, that he rather had his eye on Sirius Black, even though I doubted that Remus himself was aware of it. It wasn't like you could tell by looking at him or obvious in any other way, but I just had a feeling that it was true. Female intuition, maybe? It was hard to explain, but he was somehow… more relaxed when Black was around. Remus normally had a wall build around him. He was friendly to everyone, but he never let anyone get to close. He was a lot more open towards Potter and Pettigrew as well, but when he was together with Black, it was like the wall around him had disappeared completely.

Oh, that probably was the reason he had disappeared that suddenly. Well, not Black, but his "wall". I apparently had stepped over the borders of his comfort zone. Too bad, that probably meant that he still didn't really accept me as his friend. And I really had thought that I had managed to get through to him during the last two years. I wanted to help him, even if I didn't know what it was, that he was hiding and what the reason was, why he isolated himself from everyone. Potter and his friends obviously knew and I thought that it was a shame, that he trusted those trouble makers, but I just couldn't get through to him. OK, it was a good thing, that he had someone, who he could trust in, but I still kept asking myself, what I did wrong, or if I just didn't appear trustworthy enough. Or was it, because I didn't like his friends very much? That could be a reason of course, I always got mad, when Potter attacked Severus, after all. Even though I sadly wasn't friends with Severus anymore. But he had just developed to much into the wrong direction. Potter might be an idiot, but Severus' new friends were simply… evil.

"Ah, so that's where you're hiding! Should have known." I looked up and looked right into the face of Marlene McKinnon. "You really are the only person, who's sitting down in the library on her birthday to learn."

"I just wanted to think in peace.", I answered for the second time today. Was it really that uncommon to spend your birthday in the library?

"Think, hm?" Marlene pulled over a chair from the next table and sat down opposite of me. "Let me guess, it's about Potter?"

"Of course not!... Alright, it is…", I confessed. "But not like you're thinking! I'm just trying to figure out, what he's planning this time. That performance this morning… there has to be something behind it."

Marlene sighed and put her head down on her hands. "Oh Lily, stop seeing always the worst in Potter. He simply fancies you. And that he agreed to stop hexing other people, shows that he's willing to change for you."

"I don't know. I can't imagine that he's really capable of pulling that off. And even if he does, that still doesn't change the fact, that he's an utter berk!"

"If you say so…", Marlene shrugged. "If you ask me, you really should stop torturing the poor guy like that. Just give him that date he wants so desperately, and if you still think that he's an idiot then, you can still say no."

"But…", I started to protest, but got cut off by a strict voice: "Excuse me, but would you please continue your private talk somewhere else? This is a library and there are other people here, who have to concentrate and need _silence_!"

Marlene jumped up alarmed. "Of course Madam Pince! We're sorry! Come on Lily, let's go back to the common room!" Marlene grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the door, before I had time to protest. Since she had had a fight with the librarian, Marlene was a bit scared of her, what was the reason, Marlene hardly ever accompanied me inside the library.

Well, maybe I got lucky and the common room was Potter-free. I really wasn't in the mood for his annoying questioning, if I would finally be going on a date with him now.

**Sirius' POV**

Oh boy, was the whole world against me today? First I almost come out in front of Remus, then I get into a fight with James and now Peter comes with a message from my mother! As if I was seriously interested in being welcomed back into the family. I was finished with them, with my choleric mother, with my father, who did everything my mother wanted and with my little brother, who had joined the Death Eaters. And their whole pure-blood mania can go to blazes! I would never chose my friends according to their blood status and if I got thrown out of the family for good because of that, I really couldn't care less. In fact, I hadn't been part of the family anymore, since the Sorting Hat put me into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. (Which I was very grateful for, if I had been sorted into Slytherin I would have left right away).

And besides, I strongly doubted that my mother wanted to give me another chance out of friendliness or sympathy. First she didn't posses any of that and secondly I knew my family well enough and they wouldn't be able to deceive me – this was only about upholding the family's "good reputation" and having a blood traitor as a son didn't look too good.

I made an enraged noise and let myself fall back down on my bed and folded my arms behind my head. Now I just had to decide if I should send my parents a "friendly" letter and tell them what I thought about them and their views (even though I had already told them more than just once, but maybe they just needed to have it in black and white to finally get it), or if I should just ignore their message. Both would very likely earn me a Howler and I really didn't want to have to listen to the shrieking of my mother again. It already was bad enough at the original volume, but with it being magically increased I would probably turn deaf. Maybe I should just give Regulus my answer? But then I would get a Howler anyway and I really didn't feel like talking to my brother.

Damn, why did all the bad stuff happen always happen at the same time?

"Sirius?" I jumped and reflexively sat up. I had been so lost in thought, that I hadn't realised that someone had entered the dormitory. I was just about to open my mouth to tell that someone to bugger off and leave me alone, when I realised who it was, that had entered the room. Remus. Damn, I wasn't ready to answer the questions he most likely had about this morning. I didn't want to lie to him, but I also didn't want to tell him the truth. At least not yet and especially not in a moment, when I was in a really bad mood.

"What in the name of Merlin have you done to Peter?"

Huh? Oh, so he didn't want to talk about the situation at breakfast. I tried not to let my relief show and said: "What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to Peter."

"Well you must have done something, or he wouldn't be sitting downstairs and having a cry on James' shoulder."

"But I really didn't do anything!", I protested. "OK, maybe I got a bit mad, when he delivered me that message from my mother, but I wasn't mad at him. It's not my fault, if he takes it the wrong way and takes it personally!"

"Maybe you should go down to him then and straighten things out?", Remus suggested, but in a tone that sounded more like a demand then a suggestion and, as I knew him, I should better do what he said, if I didn't want him getting mad at me.

"Later, alright? I first have to calm down a bit, or the next fight will start right away down there." And some part of me wanted to enjoy some alone time with Remus, while the other part just wanted to get away as quickly as possible. Damn it! I definitely had to end the whole thing fast, before I really ended up destroying our friendship.

Remus walked a few steps in my direction and then sat down next to me on the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I startled. "Huh? About what?" Bugger, did he now want to talk about this morning? Or had he secretly practised Legilimency and read my thoughts?

"About the message you got from your mother. If you don't want to talk about it, that's alright, but I just thought, if you wanted to talk to someone…"

"Oh, that!", I called relieved. "Well, it wasn't anything important, just the usual bullshit, that they would give me another chance if I ended my friendship with you guys and only hang out with the Slytherins from now on. Heh, as if that would ever happen! I'd rather die, than betray my friends and join those complete idiots! I just don't understand, why my family still doesn't get after all this years that I don't care a fig about their idiotic views! I mean, what else do I have to do, to make them see it? When Andromeda or Uncle Alphard got kicked out of the family, they didn't run after them for ages, trying to convert them or something. Why are they only getting on my nerves?"

While I was talking, my volume had increased more and more and in the end I had stood up without consciously realising it myself and was now pacing in front of the bed and kicked randomly at a few clothes and rolls of parchment, that were scattered on the floor.

Seriously, why couldn't my family just leave me alone? Every time, when I had managed to banish them out of my thoughts, I ran into my brother or I got some letters or messages from my mother.

"Well…", Remus finally said, who was still sitting on my bed and watching me pace. "You are their son after all. Maybe that's why they don't want to give up that fast."

I snorted. "Bullshit! They weren't treating me like a son since the moment I got sorted into Gryffindor. They just like to make my life hell, because I defiled their precious family honour. That's the only thing they care about! _Ouch_!" I had kicked at a sock but had hit the bed instead. Shit, that hurt!

**Remus' POV**

I slightly jumped when Sirius suddenly gave a shout of pain and started to hop around the room cursing and holding his right foot.

"Are you alright?", I asked, partly concerned, partly bemused, because it did look quite funny, the way he was hopping around the room.

"Bloody… bed… was in… my… way.", he hissed through clenched teeth and gave the bed such a dirty look, that I had to bite on my lower lip in order to restrain myself from bursting out laughing.

"Come, let me have a look at that foot.", I said and patted the mattress beside me, to show him that he should sit down next to me. Sirius stopped hopping around and made a few limping steps in my direction, but then he seemed to change his mind and stopped halfway.

"Nah, it's alright. And besides, it's not hurting that much anymore." Huh? Sirius was really acting strange today. Usually he never let a chance pass, to have someone fuss over him, especially not, when it was me.

When he had caught a cold last month, he had appointed me his "personal healer" and had wanted me to nurse him back to health. But I was pretty sure, that most of it only had been an act, since the medicine I had brought him from Madam Pomfrey usually takes effort after a few minutes and I seriously doubted that Sirius was the only person in the whole school who was immune to it.

That's why I was surprised, that Sirius didn't want me to have a look at his foot now. Or was he suddenly avoiding me? Had I recently done something, that would make him avoid me? Even though I had no idea what that might be. Yesterday, everything had been completely normal and today he was suddenly acting so strange.

But just thinking about it wouldn't get me anywhere. I shouldn't pass up on the opportunity while I was still alone with him and just ask him and hope that he would give me a honest answer.

"Sirius?", I started and Sirius stood stock still at once and looked at me with an tense expression. Maybe my tone of voice had sounded a bit to grave.

"Yes?", he asked carefully and then, after a short hesitation, sat down on the opposite bed – James' bed.

"Did I do anything, to make you mad at me?" I had decided to not beat around the bush and just get to the point.

"No, of course not! What makes you think that?", Sirius asked confused and a could see from his expression that he was telling the truth. Was I just imagining things then? Or was there another reason he could be avoiding me for, even if he wasn't mad at me?

"Well, I just realised, that you've been acting strange today and that you're avoiding me. That's why I was wondering, if I did something to annoy you…"

Sirius looked at me intently and then said: "You haven't done anything at all and I'm also not mad at you. You'd have to do something damn awful to make me mad at you. So please stop to blame yourself for everything! And I never meant to avoid you, I'm sorry if it appeared that way." Sirius averted his gaze and looked down on the floor. "I… There is a reason, for me acting like that, but I can't talk about it at the moment. But it isn't your fault at all, it's just me, so don't rack your brain over it!"

"Does it have something to do with your family?", I probed further.

Sirius might be always pretending that he didn't care about his family at all, but you could see that the constant fighting got to him more than he would admit.

"Nah, my family's got absolutely nothing to do with it. But while we're at it, I still have to apologise to Peter. I better do it right away, before someone starts to get the idea, that I'm treating my friends badly."

With these words he got up, slipped into his shoes and almost fled out of the dormitory. Now I was worried even more. If Sirius had problems he didn't even wanted to talk about with us, it had to be something really serious.

* * *

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

* * *

**Chapter ****4:**

_Almost 3 weeks later:_

**Sirius'**** POV**

All in all everything seemed to go according to plan. I had found myself a girlfriend and even though I was still in love with Remus, I at least had someone to distract me now. I'd made up with James pretty fast too, but we never could stay mad at each other a long time anyway.

He still wasn't very thrilled that I was, how he called it, only using my new girlfriend as an expedient, which he also kept telling me any chance he got, but at least he had stopped starting a fight over it. I could kinda understand him and in some moments I felt bad about my girlfriend, but you just had to be egoistical in some situations. And besides, she had been after me for months, so I was doing her a favour by dating her after all, didn't I? And I was somehow hoping to fall in love with her and to be able to see Remus as a friend only again. So it wasn't like I was _only_ using her as a distraction.

_Blob_. I jumped slightly when suddenly a crumpled up piece of parchment landed right in the middle of my ink bottle and splashed ink all over the table. I rolled my eyes and turned over to James, who was sitting at the table behind me. "You know, for being such an ace Chaser, your aim really sucks.", I whispered to him.

James grinned. "It was supposed to land there!", he whispered back.

"Yeah sure." I rolled my eyes once again and then turned back to my table, to fish the parchment out of my ink bottle before it got completely soaked with ink and was unreadable. Then I unfolded the dripping piece of parchment and started to decipher the already very hard to read sentence:

_I think Lily is starting to like me!_

I grumbled and ripped of a piece of my own roll of parchment to write back.

_And that's why you're waking me up in History of Magic?_

Shortly after an answer landed on my table, thankfully next to the ink bottle instead of inside.

_Hey, that's IMPORTANT! More important than that lesson at least. Plus, you looked like you were starting to drool any moment, so I just had to wake you up!_

_I DON'__T DROOL! (The times as a dog don't count) What makes you think that by the way? Lily, I mean, not the drooling._

_She hasn't slapped__ me for exactly 18 days now, hasn't insulted me for 10 days and when I said "Hello" to her that morning, she said "Hello" too, instead of ignoring me!_

_Actually it was Moony she said "Hello" to, he was standing next to you at that moment._

_You're just jealous! Just wait and see, soon we'll be married and have a whole Quidditchteam of children._

_Keep dreaming! And what should I be jealous of?_

_Of the fact, that I will have a __real__ girlfriend soon!_

Argh, not again! James really never left out an opportunity! That probably was his revenge now, because I was always teasing him about Lily, but I definitely wouldn't just take this! I took the still dripping parchment from before and threw it at James. The parchment landed with a _Flump!_ in the middle of his forehead and left a huge spot of blue ink.

A few seconds later we were in the middle of an ink fight, because James had emptied his ink bottle over my head as revenge and I couldn't just take this either. A few more minutes later we, and a couple of other students who hadn't ducked down fast enough, were completely soaked with ink and we had got detention for this evening.

I think, James and I really were the only students in the history of Hogwarts, who had ever managed to get detention from Professor Binns. And that wasn't even the first time. One could almost be proud of it.

"You've still got ink on your ear.", Remus informed me two hours later during lunch.

"Ah, damn! I thought I got rid of everything.", I said and rubbed with my hand over the ear in question.

James and I had skipped Potions to take a shower, but the ink was more persistent than one might think and it had spread really everywhere. I had even found ink on parts of me, that it normally couldn't even have reached. But apparently ink wasn't following the usual laws of logic.

"Ink on your ear! I had ink on my teeth and in my nose!", James complained and made quite an effort to sound like a suffering victim, even though he couldn't hide his grin completely. "A whole load of ink right in my face! That was cheating, Padfoot! Cheating!"

I laughed and stuck out my tongue at James.

"And with my ink on top of it!", Remus exclaimed. "That was my last bottle. With what am I supposed to do my homework now?"

"Sorry Moony, but I ran out of ammo and yours was just in reach. Don't worry, I'll buy you a new one. If you want, we can go over to Hogsmeade this evening, then I can also pay _Zonko's_ a visit."

"Great idea, I'm in!", James said and Peter nodded enthusiastically and called: "Me too!"

"Don't you have a detention to serve?", Remus asked and looked first at James and then at me. "And you also have a date with Sarah, if I remember correctly."

"Ah, you're right!" I had completely forgotten about that. "Well, then we'll do it tomorrow and you can use my ink in the meantime. I think I saw a bottle lying around somewhere in the dormitory."

**Remus POV**

Borrowing ink from Sirius – I should have known that that was a bad idea. He really had found a bottle among his things, but it was fake ink from Zonko's that disappeared again after a while. Unfortunately I had only realised this a few seconds ago, when my finished homework had suddenly disappeared and my rolls of parchment, which had been completely covered with writing, where as blank again as they had been two hours ago, when I had started doing my homework. And since Sirius had gone to his detention together with James, I couldn't even reproach him for it.

Not that I was really angry at him, it was annoying that I had to write everything again, but I don't think that he had given me that ink on purpose. It looked completely normal on the outside and it had already happened a few times that Sirius had bought so many things from _Zonko's_, that he didn't know anymore, what kinds of joke articles he owned and only found them again later by accident.

I leaned back in my chair with a sigh. The shops in Hogsmeade would be open for another two hours. Maybe I should just go alone and buy the ink myself? However, I really didn't feel like sneaking out of the castle on my own. I could have taken Peter with me, but unfortunately I hadn't seen him the entire evening and I didn't have the slightest clue where he could be. James had, as always, the map with him, so I couldn't use it to find him.

I was just contemplating, if I should just ask the two first-years, who were playing chess at a table in the corner, if they could lend me some ink, when the portrait of the Fat Lady swung open and Sirius' girlfriend Sarah entered. She shortly looked around the common room and when she spotted me, she came over to me at once.

"Hey Remus, have you seen Sirius? He had to go all of a sudden, said something about a date with a ghost. Do you have any idea, what he meant with that?", she asked, while still looking around the common room, as if she still hoped to spot Sirius somewhere.

"He was most likely talking about his detention with Professor Binns.", I answered and Sarah's face lit up.

"Of course, what else! Why didn't think of that? He would hardly have a date with Moaning Myrtle, ha ha!" Sarah giggled.

"Oh, I don't think that Myrtle would have anything against that.", I replied. Quite the contrary. When we were exploring Myrtle's toilet to put it on the map, she didn't want to let Sirius go anymore.

"Ew!", Sarah exclaimed and scrunched up her nose. "This awful pimple face better keeps her hands off my boyfriend."

"I think that Myrtle would be a lot more pleasant, if people were a bit friendlier to her." I didn't really like Myrtle myself after I had found out that she liked to watch prefects bathing (which was why I wasn't using the Prefect's bathroom anymore), but I still didn't like it if people were being teased about something they couldn't help.

Sarah giggled again. "You really feel sympathy for everyone, don't you? Oh, are you doing homework?", she asked then and pointed at the books and rolls of parchment on the table.

"Yes. Actually I was almost finished, but since the ink I got from Sirius as a replacement for mine turned out to be fake ink, everything is gone again." And why exactly was I telling her that?

Sarah scrunched up her face into something, that probably was supposed to be a sympathetic expression. "Oh no! If you want, I can tell Sirius to be more careful next time what he's giving out to other people!"

"No thanks, I can tell him myself.", I said a bit more colder, than I had intended. I had planned to be nice to Sarah, because she was the first girlfriend Sirius seemed to be serious about, but for some reason I couldn't stand her. Her whole attitude was really getting on my nerves, what was odd, since she had never bothered me before, but on the other hand, I hadn't really known her, while she had been still a normal classmate.

"Oh, hey, I've got an idea!", Sarah suddenly called. "We'll just do the homework together and you can use my ink! Then we both benefit form it. So, what do you say? Deal?"

No, you're getting on my nerves! At least, that's what I would have liked to say, but because I was, like always, way too nice and also didn't want to risk that Sirius got mad at me for being mean to his girlfriend, I said "OK, if you like." and inwardly begged that she was able to at least shut her mouth while doing homework.

**James POV**

"I'm hurting all over! How can Muggles keep doing this without magic?", Sirius was whining for the tenth time in a row.

"How many times do you plan to repeat that? I heard you the first time.", I grumbled, while rubbing my equally hurting shoulders.

Our detention had been to clean the History of Magic classroom of our ink – and that without being allowed to use magic, of course. We weren't even allowed to use magical cleaning supplies, but had to use some weird Muggle polish, that Filch had probably found in the farthest corner of his cleaning cupboard.

Now – three hours later – we had finally managed to get rid of the ink stains on the desks, chairs, the floor and one of the windows. The classroom was now slightly damp and very slippery, but at least no stain could be seen anymore. But as a reward I was sore all over now, especially my back and my bum, because I had slipped on the wet floor and landed pretty rough on my arse.

"You gonna give me a massage later? Pleeeaaase!", Sirius begged and gave me his puppy-dog look, which I had thankfully got immune against.

"Forget it, I'm sore myself. And besides, I wouldn't be able to muster up the necessary strength for it anyway." I started to move my arms in circles to loosen up the muscles in my shoulders a bit. "Damn it, I've got Quidditch practice tomorrow, I can't afford to get myself a muscle ache!"

"Hello boys, what are you doing here? Lessons haven't started yet.", I suddenly heard a monotonous voice behind me. I turned around and saw Professor Binns hovering in front of the blackboard and looking at us in a puzzled way.

"We've just finished your detention and are now waiting for Filch to unlock the door and let us out.", I explained.

"And to give us back our wands. He better not made any scratches on it!", Sirius added.

"I gave you detention?" Professor Binns thought about it for a moment, which made his already wrinkly face get even more wrinkles. "Oh yes, I remember. So, you're finished. Good, good, you may go now. I have to prepare the lessons for tomorrow."

"James just told you that Filch locked us in here. And what do you have to prepare for the lessons, are you planning to talk about something else than stupid goblins?"

Professor Binns looked reproachful at Sirius. "I can assure you, that goblins are anything but _stupid_. On the contrary, they have high intelligence, what you can see, for example, when in the year 1576 the goblins…"

"Alright, alright, I didn't say anything!", Sirius yelled and put his hands over his ears.

"Professor Binns.", I turned to the ghost. "Could you please go and get Mr Filch, so that he can let us out here? Then you're able prepare your lessons in peace."

"Of course, Mr… What was your name again?"

"Potter.", I answered and with a short nod Professor Binns disappeared through the wall right next to the door.

"I don't believe it, the idiot didn't even remember that he gave us detention! We wouldn't even have had to come!", Sirius complained, as soon as the ghost had disappeared.

"Yes we would have, Filch knew about it. He was already waiting for us here.", I replied.

"Filch _always_ knows when we have detention! I'm starting to get the feeling that he's observing us.", Sirius grumbled.

I nodded. "I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Do you think there's some kind of quill that automatically records whenever someone here gets detention?"

"You mean like the quill that records all the births of magical children? It could really be that Filch has something similar to record detentions. We should find out some time."

"Absolutely!", I agreed. If Filch really had something like this and if it was manipulable, we could have a lot of fun with it. Sirius' grin showed, that he was thinking exactly the same.

Then we could hear a key being turned in the lock and we at once tried our best to look innocent.

"So, you two are _finished_ and want to _leave_?", Filch said in his usual spiteful voice. "You should be thankful that Professor Binns requires this classroom. If it was up to me, you would be spending the entire night here."

Mhm, who would have thought that I would ever feel grateful to Professor Binns?

"Well, what are you waiting for? The door's open, get out."

"Didn't you forget something?", I asked him irritated.

"Yeah, like our wands?", Sirius added.

Filch glared daggers at us. "Your wands should be taken from you. But sadly I lack the authority to make such decisions." Filch rummaged around in his coat pocket and then pulled out our wands. "Here. And now hurry off to bed! And take my word, one day my request to be allowed to confiscate your wands will be approved!"

I grabbed mine and Sirius' wand and then set off with Sirius towards the common room.

"Eww, it feels weird!", Sirius said disgusted, after I had given him his wand. "What has he done to my poor wand?" Sirius started to clean his wand with the sleeve of his shirt, which made little red sparks fly out of the tip of his wand. I did the same after I had taken a closer look at my wand and realised that it was slightly sticky and had a lot of fuzz and a few cat hairs sticking to it.

"That's disgusting!", I agreed with Sirius. "When was the last time he washed his coat?"

"I think I'd rather not know.", Sirius murmured. "Wait, that won't come to anything." Sirius pointed his wand at mine and cleaned it with a spell, then he held out his and I cleaned it too. "So, my sleeve's next.", Sirius said and shoved his arm right under my nose.

"There you go. _Scourgify_!"

"Hey!", Sirius called and pulled his arm back, which was suddenly soaking wet and full of soapsuds.

I laughed. "What? It's clean now."

Sirius tried his sleeve off again and then turned to me with an innocent expression. "You know what I just realised?"

"Mhm?", I asked while keeping my eyes closely on Sirius. Sirius with an innocent expression was dangerous.

"You still have dirt on your sleeve!", he called happily.

"Argh!", I ducked away, but I just wasn't fast enough for Sirius and got a load of water right down my neck.

We passed the rest of the way running and chasing each other and flooded numerous corridors along the way. When we reached the common room, we were both soaked, completely out of breath and almost collapsing with laughter.

The common room was empty save for Remus and Sarah, who were sitting together at one of the tables, and both looked up when they heard us enter. Remus took a short look at our dripping clothes and then said "I don't want to know.", while Sarah jumped up and came running towards us, or rather towards Sirius.

"What happened?", she called, while she came to a halt shortly in front of Sirius and looked at him with wide and concerned eyes.

"Nothing, really, just a little water fight.", Sirius said, still grinning.

Sarah giggled. "That's alright then. Even if you are throwing things around a bit too often lately."

"Well, what am I supposed to do? James always starts it and I have to defend myself, don't I?"

"Hey, that's not true!", I protested, but then turned away again with a roll of my eyes, because Sarah had pulled Sirius in a welcome-back-kiss and I really didn't want to watch that. At that my eyes fell on Remus. Had I just imagined it, or had he just shot a pretty venomous look in their direction?

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To be continued…


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

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**Chapter ****5:**

**Peters****' POV**

"Hey Peter!" I looked around and saw Regulus standing with a few of his Slytherin friends near the door of the Great Hall. Regulus waved at me and gestured me to come over. I looked around once more and when I saw no Gryffindors nearby I hesitantly went over to him.

Lately Regulus was really nice to me and we talked from time to time. I still had no idea why he was suddenly trying so hard to become my friend and what I should think of it. But it definitely was better to be on friendly terms with him, than having him as my enemy. There were rumours, that he and his friends had joined this Voldemort. I didn't know that much about Voldemort, but I knew that people, who openly opposed him, weren't alive anymore. So, why should I risk to rile Regulus up against me? As long as he only wanted to talk, everything was alright.

"Do you have a moment?", he asked, when I had reached him. "After it worked so well last time, I wanted to ask you, if you could do me a little favour again?"

"Uhm…", I said. I didn't really want to be pulled into something that would make Sirius angry, again.

Regulus smiled and then said, as if he had read my thoughts: "And don't worry, this time it doesn't have to do the slightest with my brother."

"OK, well, what is it then?", I asked, now feeling a bit more relieved.

Regulus came a step closer and lowered his voice. "You know Marlene McKinnon?"

I nodded and Regulus continued: "Her parents are working in the Ministry of Magic and there are rumours that they are trying to establish a law that would… restrain us pure-bloods a bit in some matters."

Regulus broke off and I asked: "And what does that have to do with me? I don't know her parents after all."

"No, but you are in Marlene's house and class and therefore you can talk to her without raising her suspicion. If one of us would ask her if the rumours were true, do you really think that she would tell us the truth? But you can find that out without problem. So, what do you say?"

"I don't know…", I mumbled. I couldn't simply walk up to Marlene and ask her about her parents. How should I talk to her without letting anything show? I never had been good with talking to other people after all, especially when I hardly knew them. OK, Marlene was in my class, but I still had never really talked to her before. I would never be able to pull that off…

I jumped when Regulus' hand suddenly touched my shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry, you will manage it. I have complete confidence in you." Regulus smiled at me encouragingly. "And I also have a little reward for you, if you're doing it right."

He pulled a few coins out of his pocket and let them disappear again shortly after. "So, why don't you simply look at it as a little side job to increase your pocket money?"

**James' POV**

Bugger, bugger, bugger, I'm too late! I had completely forgotten the time and now I was much too late for Quidditch training. Especially now, after I had finally become captain, something like this shouldn't happen. At least not, if I didn't want my team to imitate me and be late in the future as well.

I ran along the corridor, barely missed a group of Ravenclaws but slipped on the smooth stone floor, slid around the corner and –BAM– collided with someone at full speed.

I couldn't keep my balance any more and we both landed on the ground. I reflexively broke my fall with my hands and so prevented myself from falling on top of the other person with my full weight.

"James Potter!", hissed an angry voice, which I knew only too well. I raised my head and looked straight into two beautiful green eyes which were glaring daggers at me. Oh no! Why did I have to knock _her_ down of all people, after I had tried so hard to make a good impression on her?

"Lily!", I stammered. "Are you alright? Did you hurt yourself or something?"

Lily kept glaring at me and said: "I would feel a lot better if you would finally get off me instead of just stupidly staring at me."

"Sure, of course!" I blushed and jumped up at once. Then I extended my hand to help her up, but Lily ignored it and got up on her own.

"Are you alright?", I asked again, while Lily was brushing off her clothes and righted them again.

"Yes I'm fine. You should consider yourself lucky that you are Head Boy yourself or I would take points from you. Why are you running around like crazy anyway?"

"Uhm, I was late… for Quidditch training… well, strictly speaking, I'm still late, but if you want I could accompany you to Madame Pomfrey, just to make sure that you're really feeling well…" Damn, what complete nonsense was I talking here?

Lily seemed to think the same, because she raised both eyebrows and asked in a watch-out-what-you're-saying-tone: "Madame Pomfey? Do I look so weak that I have to go to the hospital wing just because of a few bruises?"

"No! No, of course not!", I exclaimed at once. Why did I always have act like a complete idiot in front of Lily? Damn hormones! "You aren't weak at all! Quite the contrary, you're the strongest girl I know! Really, you're great! I was just worried about you, but I would never dream of viewing you as weak. Really!"

Lily made a step in my direction and raised her arm and for a moment I thought that she was going to slap me in the face, but she merely patted my shoulder and said: "Never mind, James, I got it. And now finally go to your Quidditch training, before your team sends out a search party."

With these words she turned around and walked off and I just stood there and stared after her with my mouth hanging open. Did she just call me _James_? That was the first time ever that she had called me by just my first name! And had she really smiled at me, just before she had turned around?

I suddenly felt as if someone put a too strong Cheering Charm on me and made my way to the Quidditch stadium with a big smile on my face.

**Lily's POV**

I couldn't suppress a smile when I turned around and walked away. It was somehow cute, how James tried to compliment me. At least it was better than his constant showing off from earlier. That didn't mean that I suddenly started to like James of course, but I still had to admit that he had changed for the better in the last few weeks. Apart from the childish ink fight he had indulged in yesterday. But some thing probably never changed.

On the way back to the common room I met Pettigrew, who threw me a strange look and then quickly disappeared around the next corner. But I thought nothing of it, after all I always had had the impression, that he couldn't really stand me.

I told the Fat Lady the password and then climbed through the hole behind the portrait into the common room, where I was welcomed by Marlene at once.

"Hi Lily! Did you see Pettigrew right now?"

"Yes, I met him just outside.", I answered. "Why, did something happen?"

Marlene shrugged. "Not really. He just asked about the work at the Ministry."

"Why's that?", I asked surprised. Since when was Pettigrew interested in the Ministry of Magic? And why was he asking Marlene of all people? OK, her parents were working there, but in the seven years that we had spent in the same class, I had never seen him saying so much as a simple word to Marlene.

Marlene shrugged again. "Well, he said that his parents suddenly set their minds on pushing him to work in the Ministry after he finished school, and because he knows that my parents are working there, he wanted to know something about the work there." Marlene suddenly started to laugh. "Can you imagine it, Pettigrew in the Ministry?"

I shook my head. "No. But he wouldn't even manage to get all the NEWTs necessary for it."

"Exactly, that's what I told him. But he still wanted to know about everything. And after I told him some things about my parents' work there, he suddenly jumped up and exclaimed that he had to go to the Owlery right away and talk his parents out of that stupid idea!" Marlene chuckled. "I almost feel sorry for the guy, with his parents having such unrealistically high expectations in him."

"Whose parents don't?", I said, shrugging.

"Yeah, you're right.", Marlene agreed. "Oh, by the way, your skirt's dirty.", she added and pointed at the right side of my skirt.

I looked down and saw that she was right. "Well, thanks a lot, James!", I murmured.

"James?", Marlene probed at once.

"Yes, the idiot knocked me over earlier. And I don't think that's funny at all.", I added, when Marlene started to grin.

"Oh, that's not what I meant.", she appeased. "But did you realise that you started to call Potter by his first name?"

"Oh, you're right. I didn't really realise." Now that she mentioned it… But hadn't James lately started to call me by my first name as well? That was probably why.

Marlene's grin got bigger. "You're starting to fall for him!", she called happily.

"Absolutely not!", I protested at once, but I still felt myself blushing against my will. I did _not_ start to fall for James Potter! Definitely not!

**Remus POV**

I sat on my bed and tried to read, but I couldn't concentrate at all, since Sirius was lying on his bed, his head buried in his pillow, and was constantly spouting off a mixture of unintelligible curse words and whimpering sounds. He had sore muscles from the detention yesterday evening and was once again acting like he was about to die a very painful death.

I had spent the last half an hour with trying to ignore him, but the sounds he uttered were very hard to ignore and now my patience was wearing thin.

Sirius started to move around a bit, but then stopped again and mumbled something that sounded like "Ouch, ouch, ouch, I hate Filch!".

With a sigh I snapped my book shut and put it on my bedside table. I wouldn't be able to read anyway, not as long as Sirius didn't shut up.

"Can't you suffer a bit quieter? James' muscles are sore too and still went to Quidditch training.", I grumbled.

Sirius turned his head a bit, so that he was able to look at me and threw me a reproachful look, which lost its effect quite a bit, for his slightly overgrown hair was tangled in front of his face and he had to blink to keep his hair out of his eyes.

"You're heartless Moony, you know that? Just as heartless as Prongs."

"Why James, because he isn't suffering as much as you are?"

"No, because I already told James yesterday that he should give me a massage and he didn't want to, because apparently his arms were hurting to much and then he just goes off to play Quidditch! If he's able to play Quidditch, he's able to give me a massage. But no, I bet you all enjoy to see me suffer and laugh about me behind my back."

OK, now it was starting to get ridiculous. I got up and went over to him.

"If I give you a massage, do you promise to stop your whining and let me read in peace?"

Sirius' eyes widened. "Er… I don't know if that's such a good idea…"

"Why not? I'm probably not as strong as James, but I'm sure that I'll manage a massage. And besides, you're always looking out for me when I'm lying in the hospital wing after the full moon. So it's just fair to help you now." And if he really stops his whining then I'm also helping myself.

"Well yeah, but that's a completely different situation."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine, I won't help you then. But at least stop your whining then."

Sirius was silent for a moment and then said quietly: "OK."

I turned around and was about to go back to my bed, but Sirius suddenly grabbed my wrist. "I meant, OK, you can give me a massage…"

Then he let go of my wrist again, as fast as he had grabbed it and, with a grimace, started to rub his shoulder, which probably were hurting again because of his quick movement.

I kneeled down next to Sirius and waited for him to lie down again. I suddenly felt kinda stupid. And that was only partly because it was ages since the last time I gave someone a massage. (If I remember correctly, I was sometime in my second year.)

Normally I didn't like to touch other people, but it never really had been a problem with Sirius. Which for the most part probably was because he was constantly glued to other people and you got used to it after a while.

But now I felt somehow… not really uncomfortable, but something similar. What was up with me now? I shook my head over myself, pushed the weird feeling away and then put my hands on Sirius' back and started to massage him.

After a few minutes the weird feeling had gone away and I even started to enjoy to be close to Sirius again. Only now I realised, that it had been a while since the last time we had touched each other. Just a few weeks ago Sirius was practically glued to me, had constantly put his arm around me, linked his arms with mine, or ruffled up my hair, but now he seemed to avoid every touch. Of course, he had a girlfriend now, but that wasn't a reason to avoid every friendly touch, was it?

I had never really realised how often we had actually touched each other, because it had somehow become routine, but now that it was over, I finally realised how much I had grown used to it and that I – as strange as it was – missed it quite a lot.

It shouldn't matter to me in the first place, but it did. Had I done something wrong? Or was it really just because of Sarah? But if I really thought about it, he had already acted strange before he had started to date Sarah. So it was because of me after all?

Sirius suddenly started to fidget and ripped me out of my thoughts with it.

"Hey Moony, you can stop now. I'm already feeling a lot better.", he mumbled into his pillow.

"Are you sure? I can still keep going if you like.", I answered and pressed my thumb on a spot that still felt rather tense.

Sirius gave a jerk, made a strange noise and then suddenly jumped up. "Damn it, if I tell you to stop, then I mean it!", he exclaimed, turned around and ran towards the bathroom. Shortly after I heard the door being slammed shut and the key turned around in the lock.

What was wrong now? I somehow doubted that he just needed to use the toilet.

* * *

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

A/N: A big big SORRY for not updating for ages! I had a pretty strong writer's block and just wasn't able to continue writing. But now the story is finally finished in German (one more chapter after that) and I will update as soon as I finished translating it!

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**Chapter 6:**

**Sirius' POV**

Damn, damn damn, damn it all! Why did I have to be such an idiot and agree to a massage from Remus? I should have known what would happen!

Frustrated I hit my hand against the tiled wall of the shower a few times, and then leaned my head against it, while letting the icy cold water run over my body.

I thought that it would be getting better if I distanced myself from Remus but, by the looks of it, it was actually getting worse. Damn it, would it always go on like this? Would I never be able to touch Remus without my body reacting so strongly?

It had been nothing more than a completely normal and harmless massage and still… Remus' hands on my back had felt so damn good! And I hadn't been able to stop imagining how they would feel on the rest of my body and I really had had to pull myself together and stop myself from simply turning around and kissing him or doing God-knows-what.

I punched the wall once more and made a frustrated sound. How long was this supposed to continue? I wouldn't be able to endure this much longer. And I didn't just mean my current state but the whole situation. If this would really be going on until the school year was over and I wouldn't see Remus every day anymore, then I would definitely go insane! Or do something incredibly stupid that I would regret forever.

But the way things were looking right now I was nonetheless about to destroy our friendship. If I continued behaving like an idiot, Remus would realise that something was wrong (if he hadn't already), and that the whole thing with getting-a-girlfriend-as-a-distraction wasn't working out had been made pretty clear just now. But I couldn't just tell Remus the truth. Oh man, if _something_ wasn't happening soon, I'd really be going insane!

"Sirius? Are you alright?" OK, _that's_ not what I meant when I said that I wanted something to happen…

"Yes, I'm fine!", I called in the direction of the door over the rush of the water. I just hoped I didn't forget to lock the door! If Remus was coming in now… No, I shouldn't even think of that.

"Are you sure? You were practically fleeing earlier…"

Of course Remus wouldn't just give up like that. "I wasn't fleeing. I just thought that, uhm, a hot shower would be good for my aching muscles. And you know how I am. As soon as I have an idea I have to put it into action at once!" OK, that sounded even to my ears completely ridiculous. I definitely had thought up better excuses before. But thinking while being completely frozen wasn't very easy.

I turned off the water before I was catching a cold and grabbed my towel.

It was strangely quiet behind the door, had Remus bought my excuse after all and went away? That would surprise me, but I wouldn't complain, if that was the case.

I put on my clothes after I had dried myself off, then open the door… and came face to face with Remus, who was leaning against the doorframe and had obviously been waiting for me. And judging from his expression he hadn't believed a word of what I had said earlier.

"Uhm, hi!", I said intelligently, and then quickly added, in the hope that I wouldn't sound like a complete idiot: "If you had told me that you wanted to use the bathroom too, I would have hurried up some more. Anyway, it's free now." With these words I tried to push past Remus, but he took a step sidewards and blocked my way.

"I don't need to use the bathroom. But I finally want to know what's wrong with you. And don't even try to make up more stupid excuses. You're only acting strange when you're around me, so it must have do something with me. And if I did something, I want to know what!"

"You didn't do anyth…", I started but Remus cut me off, with a suddenly concerned look on his face.

"Why are your lips blue?", he asked and reached out to touch my face. I held my breath, but he had already pulled back his hand and his expression changed from puzzled to concerned.

"You're freezing! What where you doing in there?"

"Uhm…", I felt my face getting hot. I could hardly tell him that I had badly needed a cold shower because of his massage, after all.

But what if I simply confessed everything? Tell him why I had acted so strange lately? I looked into Remus' face, who looked at me questioningly and with a still slightly concerned look in his eyes. But what if I told him and then this look would change into disgust?

"I can't do it!" I shouted, and when I realised that I had said that out loud, I added: "Tell you, I mean. I'm sorry, really, but I just can't do it!"

With these words I pushed Remus out of the way and walked towards the dormitory door, even though I knew that running away again was the stupidest thing I could do right now, and Remus would most likely never forgive me for that.

And the look that Remus gave, just before I pulled the door shut behind me, was a clear sign that I was most likely right with this assumption.

**J****ames' POV**

There was a cold war going on between Remus and Sirius for a few days now and it was starting to drive me mad. Not only because they were most of the time acting like the other didn't exist but then stared at each other behind their backs for ages when the other didn't notice, but also because they were in a bad mood all the time and you couldn't have a normal conversation with them any more, not even when I was alone with one of them.

Sirius was then constantly whining about that he had screwed up completely this time and that he missed Remus, and Remus took turns in acting like everything was alright, just to then drop "vague" hints of how disappointed he was with Sirius because he apparently didn't trust him, especially since Remus had always put so much trust in Sirius.

I would just love to tell Remus what the matter with Sirius was, but I had promised Sirius to keep my mouth shut, so I didn't. But I would do _something_, if the situation stayed like this. Especially since I was now absolutely sure that Remus loved Sirius back and I definitely wouldn't allow their friendship to get destroyed, just because Sirius was too much of a coward to finally confess his feelings to Remus.

"Argh! There has to be some way to open the eyes of those morons without having to break my promise!", I exclaimed and put my head on the table, on which I had originally tried to finish an essay, practically last minute, but hadn't come very far because my thoughts kept rotating around Remus and Sirius and how I could help them.

"Planning another prank?", I suddenly heard a voice directly behind me and I jumped and spun around. Hadn't I been alone in the common room just a minute ago?

But as soon as I saw who was standing behind me, I wished that I hadn't jumped like that or at least managed to hide it better.

"Uhm, hi Lily…", I stammered. "Shouldn't you already be in bed?" Great, now I surely sounded like her mother.

Lily shrugged. "I couldn't sleep and wanted to use the time to work on my Transfiguration essay a bit more. And what are _you_ doing here at this hour? Planning your next pranks, now that you're allowed to again?" Lily's voice had got a lot more icy during her last words and I knew that I shouldn't say the wrong things now. On the other hand, I wasn't planning pranks at all, but Lily had the ability to make me feel guilty for no reason at all.

"Actually, I'm trying to write that Transfiguration essay as well, but I can't really concentrate on it. But don't worry, the reason for this has nothing to do with any kind of pranks.", I explained.

"I see.", Lily said. "Who did you mean with "those morons" then?"

"Remus and Sirius.", I answered shortly. _Please, please, don't ask any further, I think it's awesome that we're talking in a normal way right now, but I still can't tell you, what's the matter!_, I thought, but like it's always the case in situations like this, the complete opposite happened.

"Then there _did_ something happen between them!", Lily said thoughtfully. "I thought that they were acting strange lately."

_OK, that is really observant of you, but I don't like the direction our conversation is taking at all!_

"Uhm, speaking of that essay…", I tried to change the subject, but Lily interrupted me at once.

"Hey, no change of topic! Remus is my friend too, well, something like that at least, but anyway, I'm worried about him too, and I want to help him if he has problems!"

"I think Remus' main problem is that he doesn't know himself, what his problem is.", I murmured more to myself than to Lily.

"Oh! So I was right with my assumption that he fancies Sirius!"

_Uhm, what?_, I thought and then repeated it out loud. Why the hell did Lily know about that?

"Didn't you notice?", Lily asked back.

"I did. But why do you know about that? Uhm, there's no definite proof or anything, Remus never talks about what's going on in his head, but I still think it's true. But why do you know about that?" I repeated.

Exactly _how_ close were Lily and Remus that she knew so much about him? And why had he never told me? All the possibilities that could have arisen out of that… I could have got so much information about Lily from him… I really had to have a word with him tomorrow!

Lily shrugged. "Well, I never was completely sure myself, I just had a feeling… It's a bit hard to explain." Lily was apparently looking for the right words but then gave up and looked at me invitingly.

Looked like it was my turn to explain now. But I promised Sirius that I wouldn't talk about it with anyone.

"I'm sorry, Lily, but if I told you I would be breaking a promise and I won't do that! But I think it's great that you want to help Remus!"

Lily smiled. "And I think it's great that you're keeping your promise. And yes, James Potter, that was a compliment, so stop looking at me like that."

Lily laughed and I blushed. Partly because my reaction to her compliment had been so clearly visible and partly because she really looked great when she was laughing.

"So, how far have you got with your essay?", Lily finally changed the subject before I might have let something slip after all.

"I'm not even halfway finished.", I admitted with a sigh.

"Let me see it!"

"Why?", I asked somewhat suspicious. Lily was a bit too friendly to me this evening (or rather: night), something had to be amiss!

"So that I can help you, of course!", Lily laughed. "It's faster if I help you and you don't have to sit down here for the rest of the night and I can get some suggestions for my essay. So, what do you say?"

"Sure thing!", I said and hoped that I had managed to hide my nervousness this time. Lily actually _volunteered_ to spend time with me! I must have fallen asleep over my homework and would surely wake up any moment now.

"OK, let's get started!", Lily sat down next to me at the table and pulled my rolls of parchment over to her and started to read what I had written so far.

About three-quarters of an hour later we were done and we had even managed to have a normal conversation without Lily running away in a rage or complaining about me in any way. Most of the time I had even managed to not act like a complete idiot for a change and the few times a stupid comment had slipped through my lips, Lily had only rolled her eyes but hadn't commented on it. And once I had even managed to make her laugh!

At the moment I was feeling like I was floating a few inches over my chair and if I'd come across Snape at the moment, I suppose I even would have given him a friendly greeting, that's how good my mood was right now.

Lily yawned and then got up slowly. "Well, I'll be off to bed now.", she announced and started to pack her things.

"Uh, yeah, I suppose I should too.", I replied, even though I could have spent the next few hours just sitting here next to her.

"Oh, by the way, there's going to be a Hogsmeade weekend in two weeks.", she then said casually.

"Ah, right, I totally forgot about this." If you could go to Hogsmeade through a secret passageway whenever you wanted, the Hogsmeade weekends sort of lost their charm.

"Would you like to invite me to a Butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, then?", Lily continued in almost the same casual voice as before.

It took me a few seconds to realise what she had said but then my jaw dropped. "You… you mean…", I stuttered and when I was unable to finish the sentence, Lily helped me along: "Yes James, that's exactly what I mean: You can take me out on a date. But don't get all smug about it now. As soon as you start to get on my nerves it's over."

"Sure, of course. I'll behave." I still couldn't believe it! All those years waiting for that exact moment and here it was!

"Well then, good night!"

"Night!", I muttered, without really noticing. And when I finally woke up from the stupor I was in and was capable off getting up and making my way towards the dormitory, the common room was empty again and Lily had disappeared into her dormitory.

**Remus' POV**

James had finally done it then. Well, not entirely, he still had to proof himself at the Hogsmeade weekend, but the fact alone, that Lily hadn't just agreed to go on a date with him, but had actually been the one to ask him, was definitely a giant progress. I had almost given up hope that this might ever happen and naturally was happy for James.

"And you're completely sure that she was serious and not just taking the mickey out of you?" Sirius apparently still couldn't believe what James had announced to us a few minutes ago, after spending the entire morning in a daze and we had started to get really concerned about him.

"Of course she was serious!", James said indignantly. "Why would she want to take the mickey out of me in such a way?"

"Well, she never could stand you up until now…", Peter chimed in.

"Exactly!", Sirius agreed. "Why would she change her mind all of a sudden? I mean I'm happy for you if she did, but don't you think it's a bit strange?"

"Well, she'll have seen how much effort I put in for her lately and that's why she wants to give me a chance!", James replied somewhat annoyed. "You really must have a high opinion of me if you all act like there's a conspiracy going on, just because Lily happens to be nice to me for once!"

"Yes of course, we secretly think you're a complete imbecile and all those years of friendship were just an act.", Sirius said sarcastically and rolled his eyes. "We're worried about you, you moron!"

"You should congratulate me instead of worrying. Soon Lily Evans will be my girlfriend and after school we will move together and get married and…"

"Oh no, not again!", Sirius grumbled, but James didn't even seem to hear him.

"Lily Potter… sounds good, doesn't it?", James muttered while staring off into space with glassy eyes.

Sirius started to turn over in my direction, but then he seemed to remember that we weren't talking to each other anymore and instead turned towards Peter and pulled a face to make fun of James' daydreams. I felt a stab in my chest, usually it was me he was making those faces at when James started to gush over Lily.

But I still wouldn't give in so easily. It hurt to be not on speaking terms with Sirius, but he still hadn't shown the slightest signs that he was willing to explain his behaviour, and I was sick of being taken for a fool. His behaviour definitely had something to do with me, that I was sure of, and if Sirius had some kind of problem with me, than he should damn well tell me, instead of lying to me all the time and acting like everything was alright, when it was obvious that it wasn't.

I had always let Sirius get away with too much, partly because I didn't want to loose his friendship at any cost, but now I would stay strong and not just forgive and forget everything as soon as Sirius looked at me with those puppy dog eyes of his. Of course I was still scared of losing him as a friend, even though I was on my best way of doing just that, but I also didn't want to have any unspoken things standing between us, which were somehow my fault and were apparently bothering Sirius quite strongly. But it still got harder with each day to not just give up and go over to Sirius and apologise, even though I wasn't even the one who should do the apologising.

I glanced at Sirius from the corner of my eye, who was by now talking with James and laughing about something he said. I felt the stab again and suddenly wished that Sirius was laughing like that about something that I had said. Damn it, I couldn't take that situation much longer!

"Are you alright, Remus? You look like you have a stomach ache.", Peter suddenly asked and I smiled at him comfortingly and told him that everything was alright.

"Oh, I see! Getting angry at me for not talking about everything that's going on in my head, but not being better a single bit!", Sirius called at once.

"That's a completely different situation.", I countered. "But please, if you're so eager to know, I was just thinking what a shame it is, that you just won't tell me what your problem with me is." Great, and just like that we were fighting again. That's not the way I imagined our first talk after days to be!

"Hey!", James warned, but we were both ignoring him.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't have a problem with you!", Sirius hissed and I finally lost my temper and everything I had been racking my brain over these last few days was blubbering out of me: "And I'm supposed to believe that? You're avoiding me for weeks now and evade every touch, while you act completely normal around everyone else! As soon as we're alone for a while and I start to think that everything's back to normal, you suddenly flee the room as if I did God-knows-what to you. And then you tell me that this has absolutely nothing to do with me? How stupid do you think I am? Don't you think it hurts when you're treating me like that? When you obviously have a huge problem with me and can't even tell me what it is?! Do you think I don't worry about it and don't ask myself what the hell I did wrong? And everything you do is come up with all kinds of excuses!" I felt tears well up in my eyes and I angrily wiped them away.

Sirius looked at me with a shocked expression and then said quietly: "I'm sorry! Honestly, I didn't want you to worry. I…"

But he got interrupted by James, who had jumped up from the armchair he was sitting in, and for some reason looked furious himself. "OK, that's enough! Remus, you come with me!"

James went over in the direction of the portrait hole and indicated with a motion of his head that I should follow him.

Sirius, who had been sitting on the floor, jumped up as well. "James, what are you up to? You promised! Don't you dare…"

"Oh, shut up, you already messed up enough!", James interrupted him and then grabbed my arm, because I wasn't following him quick enough and pulled me out of the common room.

For a while he just dragged me along, while walking quickly and ignoring all my questions about what was the matter, but then he found an empty classroom and dragged me inside and slammed the door shut behind us. Then he turned around and glared at me and I instinctively took a step back. I had never seen James so livid.

"What's the matter?", I asked again and James didn't answer this time as well, but he seemed to calm down a bit.

"Sorry, I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the entire situation. And at Sirius. I'm seriously starting to wonder how he ever managed to end up in Gryffindor!" James anxiously ran his hand through his hair and apparently seemed to consider how to phrase whatever he wanted to tell me.

"You know what's the matter with Sirius?", I asked and James nodded.

"Yes, but he can bloody well tell you himself. Now that he thinks that I'm telling you everything, he might even do it."

I raised an eyebrow. "So you merely dragged me here to make Sirius think that you're telling me everything?"

James smiled. "No, until we arrived here I was really planning to tell you. But I promised Sirius to not tell you anything and even if I think that you have a bloody right to know, it wouldn't be right if I did." James sighed and continued: "There's something I want to ask you though. You don't have to answer me, but I want you to honestly answer it to yourself."

I looked at him in a puzzled way and James ran his hand through his hair again and then looked me straight in the eye.

"OK, I can't think of a way to phrase it better, so I'm just going to ask you directly: Have you fallen in love with Sirius?"

_What?! _I stared at James with wide eyes. Where did he get that idea? Why should I be in love with…? But then it hit me like a sledgehammer and suddenly everything seemed to make sense. Why I was a lot more at ease when Sirius was around than I ever was with anyone else and why it hurt so much that our friendship was about to break apart, why I couldn't stand Sirius' girlfriend even though she had never done anything to me, why Sirius merely needed to look at me and I was at once willing to do anything for him… Why had I never seen that before? And what was I supposed to do now?

James put his hand on my shoulder and asked: "Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?"

I merely nodded, because I wasn't able to make a sound at the moment, and after he reassuringly patted my shoulder once more, James left the room and left me alone with my wildly spinning thoughts.

* * *

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The characters, places etc. belong to J.K. Rowling

* * *

**Chapter 7:**

**Lily's POV**

"I'm so proud of you, Lily!" Marlene repeated for about the fifth time and beamed at me from where she was sitting on her bed.

"Yes, I know, you keep telling me that.", I replied dryly.

I was starting to regret that I had admitted to Marlene that I had a date with James on the next Hogsmeade weekend. And I was also starting to regret having that date in the first place. What had got into me yesterday evening that I hadn't only agreed to a date, but actually asked him? It must have been sleep deprivation, if I had been more awake and in full command of my mental faculties, I never would have come up with such a stupid idea. That could only go wrong!

Sure, I had enjoyed my conversation with James last night, but that didn't mean that I had to throw all my principled overboard! Of course I would still go, I made my bed and I would lie in it, but James would be sorry if he didn't behave!

"What's the matter Lily, getting cold feet?", Marlene grinned. Of course she saw me racking my brain and once again came to the right conclusion, she really knew me to well.

"I wouldn't exactly call it getting cold feet. Rather: My common sense, which temporarily abandoned me last night, has come back and now I'm wondering what the hell I have got myself into.", I grumbled.

"Oh Lily, don't always be such a pessimist! You were getting along just fine with him yesterday evening. And besides, he had to wait so long for this date, I'm sure he'll go to extra lengths to make sure that everything will go alright and that you're comfortable."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of. All this "great ideas" of his have ended in a total catastrophe so far. Or were simply embarrassing. That's why I don't even want to imagine what he's planning for this date…" The thought alone made me shiver. It was already a miracle that James hadn't announced our date to the entire school yet. _But maybe that's because he finally decided to grow up_, a voice in my head said. And I had to admit that James had got a lot more… interesting during those last weeks, after he had finally stopped hexing all sorts of people and stopped being so arrogant. Besides, I did have fun last night, even if all we did was doing homework together. And I had discovered a few new sides of him. That he had strictly refused to tell me what was the matter with his friends was pretty impressive. That definitely proofed that James was someone you could one hundred percent rely on.

I involuntarily had to smile. That must be one of James' good sides that Remus had constantly assured me existed. And I was somewhat curious about James' other good sides, especially after having been exposed to his bad sides more than enough. Also, if James kept up his behaviour during the last few weeks and didn't fall back into his old behaviour, then the date could actually be quite nice… OK, I would give him a fair chance.

"Well, finished discussing it out with yourself?", asked Marlene who had kept watching me and probably read every one of my thoughts right off my face.

"I'll give him a chance.", I answered and Marlene nodded.

"Good! I think he definitely deserves one after all his efforts."

"Tell me, why are you so desperate to hook me up with James, anyway?"

"Well, because I'm feeling kinda sorry for the guy, considering the way you used to treat him…" Marlene grinned, but then turned serious again. "And because I want you to be happy. I'm sure you would be happy with him. I mean, Potter's been chasing after you for about three years now and has, as far as I can tell, always been loyal to you, without actually being together with you. He could have simply given up after you made it clear over and over again, that there would never be anything between you. But he didn't, no matter how many times you turned him down. And that definitely shows how much you mean to him!"

"I honestly never looked at it that way.", I contemplated. "I always just saw him as this annoying idiot, who simply has set his mind to conquer me. But that he's so stubborn because I really mean something to him… I really never looked at it like this…" I could feel my face heating up. "I really did hurt him, didn't I?"

Marlene shrugged. "I don't think he'll hold a grudge."

I was just about to opened my mouth and tell her that this didn't sound exactly encouraging, when the door opened and Sarah came in.

"Hey girls!", she called happily and, after a look in our faces, added: "What's the matter with you, did something happen?"

"You can say that out loud! Our Lily here finally has a date with James Potter on the next Hogsmeade weekend!", Marlene blurted out.

I threw her a poisonous look. Did she have to tell everyone?

"Really?", Sarah called excitedly. "That's brilliant! Then we can go on a double-date. You and James and me and Sirius!"

I pulled a face. "No thanks, James alone is enough trouble. I definitely don't need Black around too!"

Sarah laughed: "Yes, all that hubbub is something you have to get used to! But I really think it's great that you're gonna be hooking up with James now. Then all we have to do now is hook you up with Remus or Peter, Marlene.", Sarah then turned to Marlene.

Who put up her hands in defence. "Nah, not interested. And besides, I already have my eye on that guy from Ravenclaw."

"Oh, right, that mysterious brunette, who you don't even know the name of, yet." Sarah giggled.

"Oh, shut up, I'm gonna find it out one day!", Marlene threw her pillow at Sarah, who laughed and dodged it, and the pillow flew in the direction of the door, which opened right at this moment.

"Oomph!", sounded a voice and shortly after a girl appeared in the doorway, by the looks of her maybe a second- or third-year.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did you get hurt?", Marlene asked the girl, who was holding the pillow in one hand and rubbing her nose with the other.

The girl shook her head and then asked shyly: "I'm sorry for just barging in like that, but you didn't seem to have heard me knocking. Is one of you Sarah?"

"Yes, that's me!", Sarah answered and looked questioningly at the girl. "What's it?"

"Uhm, I'm supposed to tell you that Sirius Black is waiting downstairs in the common room and wants to talk to you. He can't climb the stairs to our dorms, so he sent me."

"Alright, thanks!", Sarah called happily. Then she threw a "Speaking of the devil!" in our direction and vanished with a big grin on her face through the door.

**Sirius' POV**

I had decided to break it off with Sarah. Now that James had told Remus everything it didn't make sense to uphold this "relationship" anymore, which wasn't real anyway.

I couldn't believe that James really went and told Remus everything. Even if he just wanted to help me, he'd promised not to tell anything and I was really disappointed that he had broken that promise. Since he had dragged Remus out of the common room I hadn't seen any of them and I was glad about that. I didn't want to see either of them right now.

Peter had buggered off too, shortly after the two had disappeared and I had used the time while I was alone to think things over and came to a conclusion. Which was to finally clear things up. And that also meant to end my fake relationship with Sarah. For one thing, James was right and it really wasn't right to play with her like that, especially now that I had realised that I would never develop real feelings for her, and for another thing, there's no point to it anymore, now that Remus knew everything.

I had also come to the decision to finally talk to Remus. I never wanted him to learn about it that way, but now that there was no way to turn it back, I at least had to offer him an explanation. And preferably today. If I waited any longer I would permanently loose him as a friend. I just hoped that this hadn't happened already.

I could hear fast footsteps coming down the stairs and I looked up just in time for Sarah to fling her arms around my neck.

"Hi honey! What did you want to talk to me about? Did you finally find a place where we can be all alone?" Sarah grinned and winked at me.

"No, that's not what this is about.", I replied.

There were plenty of places where you could be undisturbed, but she didn't need to know that. Especially since this had been the perfect excuse for why we couldn't do more than kissing. But well, in a few minutes from now I wouldn't need an excuse anymore anyway.

I loosened her arms around my neck and softly pushed her away. "Listen, I…" Maybe I should gently break it to her. But I also wanted to get it over with quickly.

"Yes, what is it?" Sarah looked at me expectantly and with big eyes. "There's nothing wrong, is it?", she added concerned and cocked her head.

I better got this over with quickly. "Sarah, I… I want to break it off!" So, that was it then.

Sarah's expression turned to shock. "What?! But why, it was all going so well between us! Did I do something wrong? I can try to change, if there's something that's bothering you about me! I…"

"Sarah…", I interrupted her babbling. "It doesn't have anything to do with you. I know, I know, that's sort of what people usually say when breaking off, but I mean it. I… I'm in love with someone else…" I wasn't sure if telling her that was the smartest move, but I didn't want to lie to her anymore.

"Who? Who is she?", Sarah asked with a frosty voice. "Is it Lily?"

"Lily? Whatever made you think it's Lily?"

"So I'm right?"

"Of course not! I'm not interested in her in the slightest! And besides, she's James' girl! Well, sort off… soon… maybe…" I trailed off. I was rambling anyway.

"At least it would explain why you're so incapable of having an actual relationship.", Sarah continued and her voice sounded surprisingly calm, even if there was still a icy tone in it.

I was used to my girlfriends breaking out in tears or becoming furious when I broke up with them, but Sarah seemed to take it surprisingly well in comparison.

That is, if I disregarded the fact that she somehow seemed to think that I was interested in Lily. I might have a lot of things in common with James but _that_ definitely wasn't one of those things.

"The other girls – and me too – always thought that you simply weren't interested in long term relationships. Well, since we've been dating for a few weeks now I was starting to hope that it's different this time and that you're seriously interested in me, but now that you're telling me that you're in love with someone else… It would make sense if it's Lily… the girl that's definitely off-limits to you…" Sarah had been staring down at her shoes while talking and still kept her head lowered, but her voice had lost its frosty tone and now just sounded sad and disappointed.

I was starting to feel sorry for her. It never had been easy to break up with a girl, but in the past I had always thought to have had an interest in that particular girl or it had been made clear from the beginning that it wasn't anything serious, but I had used Sarah right from the beginning and I wanted to tell her the truth. I owed her that.

"I have no interest in Lily. I suppose the way you made it sound, it would sort of make sense, but it's not Lily."

"Who is she then?", Sarah pressed.

"It's not a she.", I mumbled quietly, but when Sarah jerked up her head and stared at me with wide eyes, I knew that she had heard me.

"Not a _she_?! You…? Oh my God… Why did you ask me out in the first place then? I mean, you won't just have realised that today, right?! You… you were using me all this time?!" Sarah glared at me and I instinctively took a step back.

"I'm sorry, it was a stupid idea… That's why I decided to tell you the truth…"

"Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better, huh? That was a lot more than just a _stupid idea_!" Sarah angrily stepped forward, slapped me in the face and then stormed out of the common room.

I held my throbbing cheek and sighed. Guess I deserved that.

**Remus' POV**

I didn't know how much time had passed since James had left me in the empty classroom, but I wasn't planning to get out here any time soon. I was sitting on one of the tables and stared down at the tips of my shoes, which were slightly bobbing up and down, while I was still trying to stomach what I had realised so suddenly.

Sirius… Had I really fallen in love with him, without even actually realising it myself? Was something like that even possible? I mean, shouldn't you notice that somehow? Or was I really that good at subconsciously suppressing my own emotions?

I had always thought that Sirius was good-looking, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. I mean he _was_ good-looking, that was a fact, you could see that in the way the girls were chasing after him, so it wasn't that odd for me to notice it too, right? And the fact that I never could stay mad at him for a long time and couldn't say no to him, or that I had no reservations about touching him and that I was feeling comfortable around him didn't have to mean anything… That merely showed what close friends we were, right? But on the other hand…

"_Have you fallen in love with Sirius?"_ James words echoed in my head. He must have got that idea from somewhere, so he must have noticed some signs…

I thought back on the last weeks and months and looked for signs of something changing between us, or if there was a moment when I had started to see Sirius with different eyes. But, our argument and Sirius' secretiveness aside, the only thing I could think of was that Sirius, before he had started to avoid me, had become a lot more touchy-feely than before. He'd never had any reservations about getting into someone's personal space, but at some point during those last months he had started to put his arms around my shoulders any chance he got or to cling to me in some other way. And for some reason I hadn't minded it at all.

Up until now I had simply thought that I had got used to Sirius' antics, but if I really thought about it, Sirius was the only one I let get so close. Even if it was James putting a friendly arm around my shoulders I felt uncomfortable and I shook him off quickly. With Sirius I never had those reservations. Quite the opposite. It was only when Sirius had started to avoid me, that I realised how much I had missed it. I blushed when I realised what that meant. I hadn't just missed Sirius' friendship but his _touch_. Looks like James had been right after all…

But what was up with Sirius' sudden distance, anyway? I had already racked my brain about it during the last weeks, but what if Sirius had actually told the truth and it wasn't my fault? Or only indirectly my fault?

It had all started on Lily's birthday. In the morning everything had still been alright, even if he had already been acting a bit strange then. But then he had suddenly run out of the Great Hall and he avoided me ever since. _"__I gave it up, because I don't want to destroy our friendship!" _That's what Sirius had said before he fled. I had always assumed that he had been talking about Sarah, but if I really thought about it, he never had been friends with Sarah. Actually, he had barely spoken a word to her before he had suddenly introduced her as his new girlfriend.

And the way James had acted earlier… He had been so close to telling me everything and then suddenly changed his mind and started to question me about my feelings for Sirius instead…

I froze and then I could feel not only my face but my entire body heating up, when I finally realised the meaning of it all. The person Sirius had fallen in love with hadn't been Sarah but me!

No wonder that he didn't want me to know about it. That would also explain his strange behaviour during the last weeks. But in the beginning he didn't seem to have had much of a problem with it, considering how much he had been clinging to me… Had he suddenly really got this afraid of losing me as a friend? But even if I hadn't reciprocated his feeling, I wouldn't have ended our friendship…!

My head was spinning and I tilted it backwards and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. That was definitely too much emotional chaos for one day. Not only had I figured out my own feelings for Sirius but, if I had interpreted everything correctly, he liked me too and apparently quite a lot. What now? Part of me was overjoyed that Sirius seemed to have fallen in love with me, and the other part was short of a panic attack. How was I supposed to act the next time I saw him? I couldn't just pretend that everything was like always, especially since he knew that I knew his secret, even if he thought it was James who told me. But I also couldn't just walk up to him and confess my feelings. Damn it, why did I have to be so inexperienced in romantic matters?

Suddenly I heard the click of the door handle and I stopped staring at the ceiling and turned towards the door, just to look right into Sirius' nervous face. I swallowed down a sudden lump in my throat and strongly hoped not to blush, which didn't work, though.

"Hey…" Sirius' voice sounded as nervous as I felt. "Uhm…" Sirius waved around a piece of parchment, which I recognised as the Marauders' Map. "James left the Map in the dormitory, that's how I found you." He pulled a face, then continued talking: "Well, who cares how I found you… Uhm, James told you everything?"

"No.", I answered truthfully and Sirius looked at me surprised.

"No?", he asked and I shook my head.

"He said that you can bloody well me yourself."

"Heh…" Sirius sheepishly ran his hand over the back of his head. "I suppose I should apologise to him for not trusting him there… But here I thought you already know everything and… I mean, I'll tell you, I just thought…" Sirius trailed off and dug the tip of his shoe into a small dent in the floor.

"I know it.", I said.

After the last weeks it would have been just fair to leave him hanging and make him tell me everything, but after seeing him like this I just couldn't do it.

Sirius looked up. "But I thought that James didn't tell you?"

"He didn't. I… I've been mulling the entire situation over in my head and finally figured it out in the end…"

"Oh." Sirius slowly came closer and then sat down on the table in front of the one I was sitting on. "So? Are we still friends?", he asked meekly and looked at me with his puppy dog eyes.

I breathed in deeply, summoned up my courage and then said: "No."

Sirius slumped down. "I suppose I can understand that. I mean, that must be a really awkward situation for you and…"

"Sirius!", I interrupted him. "What I wanted to say was: I was hoping that we could be more than friends from now on…"

Sirius looked at me with wide eyes. "You mean… are you trying to say that…"

I nodded and Sirius broke out in a big grin, the first real grin I had seen on him in weeks.

Then he suddenly threw himself forward and gave me a strong squeeze. The table groaned under the additional weight and shook dangerously.

"Hey, be careful!", I laughed and wrapped my arms around his back.

"Screw the table.", Sirius muttered against my ear, then he pulled back a bit to look into my eyes. "If I think about how much time I wasted with acting like such a giant moron…"

I opened my mouth to tell him that it didn't matter in the end and everything turned out well, but I never got the chance because Sirius leaned forward in that moment and pressed his lips to mine.

~*The End*~


End file.
